Thursday, September 27, 2007

Week 1 Down.....

Well Today is Day 7 since I started back on Atkins.

I didn't have the cleanest Induction, though, I did lose 3 lbs this week. YAY!!!

I caused myself a bit of a stall having some Michelobe Ultras Last weekend, and learned from that. ;)

We also started a Biggest Loser Challenge like the show over on my new
Its going to be so fun and I can't wait. It starts monday and goes 8 weeks.

I went for a run yesterday. It was awesome! I felt great and can't wait to go again today. Hopefully its not thunderstorming.

Ok Christin is doing better and is home. She has a great new video post on her blog today everyone should check out here:
We are still praying for her, as she has more tests on her heart coming up, so please take a moment to say a prayer for her.

TRUTH - Still at it bringin down the Kimkins house! ya boy! lol

Well I really don't have much to blog about today. I keep hoping to come up with some incredibly useful info for you all - but hey...I can just keep posting links to my friends who have all the good stuff :)

Week 2 here we go!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Please read the following Blog post on Jimmy Moore's Livin La Vida Low Carb Blog site.

For anyone currently following Kimkins and especially those thinking of following it....

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

KimkinsExposed Prays for Christin...

All - please see the post here

Please pray for Christin, that she will get better soon, and for her family to be strong and know we are all thinking of their wife and mother.

Thank you KimkinsExposed for posting this for us all.


It has been brought to my attention that through my posts I am attacking all Kimkins members, good or bad.

For anyone who follows the diet, and is a member, and has been successful, and at the same time, not Banned anyone, bashed naysayers, disrespected and talked trash about us, I am deeply sorry if you feel offended by my posts here. I really am!

Please understand that while I know I am on the WWW and do expect things to be taken all different ways, that, my lashing out, or posts about Kimkins, are no reflection on those of you that are good decent people who mean it when you say "friend" and don't bother those of us that left, and just do your thing.

My Anger and bashing is for those that banned me and my friends, that are snooping over at our new forum and banning people at Kimkins for what they say elsewhere. Those people like Delaney (singinglass), and TippyToes. For those like Gary (lasttimeforme), than banned me for no reason, as I NEVER spread any negativity and There are several people that saw my goodbye post and can attest to that. These people with nothing better to do than Kiss Kimmer/Heidi's ass.

To Vanessa,- I am really sorry that you were isulted in anyway. I do think your just the greatest and miss you terribly, and hope that if you do read my blog and see posts against Kimmer and Kimkins, that you know its not against you personally, but against Kimmer and those that do her dirty work.

Thanks for reading......

Monday, September 24, 2007

Monday Rambling....

Well its monday again. This is good and bad for me.
Good - I am much more likely to be a good girl diet wise during the week.
Bad - Its monday!

Ok so I was on plan all weekend! I was down another half lb on Saturday. Then I spent the day splitting and stacking wood, throwing around really heavy logs, and probably burned all carbs in my system, plus about 2000 calories! We literally went from 10am to about 6pm. Non stop except to grab a drink and bite to eat.

I was so crippled and tired and decided, even though it was going to slow my progress I would enjoy a couple low carb beers by the camp fire. We had a big bonfire, me and hubby that night.

So I did,. I had the beers. I ate on plan, stayed legal. But the beers totaled 18 carbs. UGH! I am only allowed 20 on induction, so needless to say I was soooo close to ketosis and now I am on day 1 again. Well - not really. I am technically, because beer and going over 20 grams of carbs a day is not induction legal, but I am just moving forward, instead of telling myself, "I blew it, and have to start over" I don't think there is a more discouraging thing you can say to yourself when you slip up, or choose to cheat.
The Thin Commandments has tought me new self speaking, that is encouraging and forgiving, NOT discouraging and critical. I will never again say "I blew it" and this is his exact advice in the book.

So, Day 5, I am down a total of 1.5 lbs since I started, I am still on track, and won't be doing any more drinking. I am not weighing again until Thursday. Thats the weigh in date I set for myself.

So - I bought these Jeans in a size 11 from Charlotte Russe. LOVE that store! I can get into them but they are tight and I have a bit of a muffin top, LOL :)

So My goal, my motivation, is to be able to "comfortably" wear them by Sunday Oct 7th. Thats 2 weeks away and I know I can lose enough inches by then to have a good fit.

Now.....Kimkins Rambles......

Another friend of mine has been banned. Her and I discussed a "friend" over there on our new home forum and all we said was that we believed she spoke with my banner (lasttimeforme/Gary) we were not sure we trusted her. You see, we had been trying to maintain friendship with this woman, but the Kimkins drama got in the way. She is an AVID supporter of fraudkins, and we are not. But we tried. So, somehow she saw or got wind of our chat in my new journal because she emailed us both saying how we can spread ugly thoughts about her if we want and bash her, but that she knows who she is and where she stands. Ok fine, but we really didn't bash anyone. We simply conversed on the possibility that she may be in cahoots with Mr. Ban Happy Gary.
Well not long after, BAM My dear friend was Banned.

Now this really bothers me because this is a woman (the banners friend) that runs all over the forum spreading cheer and support, and tells everyone she loves them, and that's all fine, but not so real I suspect, since we left and she turned on us. Well I won't be surprised if she is made admin very soon!! Congrats girl!

Kimkins is a Spell your under people! C'mon and get your head out of your asses please.

Kimmer/Heidi/whoeversheistoday - says if you modify the plan your not following Kimkins. OK! Great - the plan as followed makes people sick and lose their hair. Wake up folks! Its not people like you who have just basically been doing Atkins, by upping your fat and calories, (not Kimkins), that are losing hair. Its the ones that follow the diet to a T as Ms Fraudy pants says to do.

Stop defending a diet your NOT DOING!

So lets see what are you left with to stand on? NOTHING. The freak of nature Kimmer is a fraud, ok so you resort to yelling how we don't know how to follow the diet and make it work for us, but , thats not Kimkins, so really your doing Atkins and defending it?

Doesn't make much sense to me....but ok you go with that if it makes you sleep better at night supporting fraud and ripping people off. Sweet dreams! :)


Happy Monday friends! :)

Friday, September 21, 2007

Atkins Induction Day 2....

I am down 2.5 lbs already. Thats awesome and I couldn't be more pleased! I know its water, but its 2.5 lbs so who cares! LOL :)

I feel pretty good. Much more satisfied, not rushed. Those GG Crisp Breads are a life saver. I am not even craving the carbs when I have those, they really are a godsend. I went to Whole Foods yesterday and bought like 6 packages, ha ha ha.

Well I joined a Challenge on my new forum, Thank you Jimmy Moore for providing a safe landing for us all! Love you bunches!! YOUR THE MAN BABY!

The Challenge is to lose 20 lbs by halloween. Thats roughly 3 lbs per week, and so far on day 2 I am down 2.5 So I think I have a good head start!

I am getting back into running today. It's beautiful out and nothing was better for me mentally, or spiritually than going for a run along the river after work. Its the perfect ending to a LONG day and a LONG commute, so I know once I get back out there I will be addicted again. Its my private time to unwind and come back to center with myself. Not only that the stress relief is ridiculous! You can't beat that.

Well I think my shell has a crack in it, and I should be hatching soon :)

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Back on track....

Well saying I have been distracted lately would be an understatement!!

From being banned from Kimkins for NOTHING to finding out it was someone I called a friend that did it, its been a rough ride.
I have been trying to transition to focusing on me and my new way of eating and living.
Its very hard though, which is why my posts are so scattered and eratic..."DEATH TO KIMKINS", wait, "NO NEGATIVITY, LETS BE POSITIVE" , WAIT DEATH TO KIMKINS!"

Its exhausting to say the least, but I guess its a phase I have to work through and work out of my system so it is what it is. *wink*

Ok, Well today I am back on Induction. I am all set to go with my foods, my mentality is in the right place and I begin the journey I came here for "again".

Gary and the others at kimkins can make fun all they want at my constant loss and regain. As far as I am concerned its pretty high school and immature of a grown man. We all have our struggles. Mine happens to be sticking with a loss plan. Its my mentality I can't get quite right and thats where I am hoping that Dr. Gullo is going to guide me to success. It really is nothing to make fun of though and I feel ashamed for Gary and any one else thats poking fun at me or my friends. At least we continued to be friends to eachother as real friends do right?

Well, anyway, on to losing some weight. I am not rushing it. Kimkins forced me to become obsessed with losing as fast as possible and that can't psychologically be healthy for anyone I don't think. Low Carb is a lifestyle Thats one of the most important lessons I am learning. Its not a quick fix crash slam diet. Its a lifestyle. You have your whole life to learn how to eat and nourish your body and lose weight along the way. Its a journey. Mine may be longer than some, but its mine, not theirs.

Happy Thursday friends! :)

Christin Helps us Transition!

Thank You Christin!

I just want to post a link here to Christin's blog. today she has a post on transitioning from Kimkins to HEALTHY Low carb eating for lifetime health and weight maintenance.

Christin, thanks for all that you have done, all you do, and continuing to help us all through this tough time!

See here helpful tips here:

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I take it back..this takes the cake and I am posting here..

Here is a dialog between Kimmer and an Admin regarding my banning....

Gary wrote:
Kimmer, I banned a member kimgreen94 for making an announcement that she is leaving and being negative. She provided a link to her blog saying that the Admins that just left were right and the you need to make a public apology etc...... I deleted her message but she has many posts and her new blog is listed in her signatue. Anyway to remove the link in her signature?She was a member of a few challenges I belonged to and kept track of everyone's losses. She would lose a few and regain all the time. Now she is telling everyone Kimkins is making her hair fall out and she was starving herself causing her to binge all the time. Another stupid excuse. LOL


Kimmer wrote:
Well, Gary haven't you been a busy bee this weekend! Thanks, the tech guys are deleting her signature. THANKS!

Well I guess I was right about you Gary....

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Ok I have totally contradicted myself...

Sorry I look like an idiot.

Let me rephrase my entire last post.

I do enjoy reading the Anti Kimkins blogs and Kimkins Slamboards. I have a gripe with her and her diet and what she has done to so many. Its like I have said many times, Its like that car wreck you just have to check out, but eventually you drive on.
This is a trainwreck though, ha ha

I simply was just saying I don't want to post anti-kimkins stuff on here anymore (if I can help it) becuase I want this to be a place to blog about me and my weight loss journey.

And while I am still not a mean hateful person...I am on the side following diligently the Kimkins saga unfolding.

Thats all. :)

This is beginning to upset me...

You know,
Anyone that truly knows, me knows that I am not this hateful, spiteful person that is being reflected in this blog.

I HATE negativity which is why I left Kimkins. I need peace, comfort, happiness in my life. I believe that whatever we send out into the universe we do get back.
If I send negativity, negativity finds me. Its a fact, for me at least as my Karma tends to come back pretty fast to where I can identify where it came from...

I don't want my blog to be another Anti Kimkins hate page. Its MY blog not hers.
I may feel anger and resentment to the friends that turned on me over there and to evil lady, but that doesn't mean I need to express it here. Because then I am just turning my peaceful place into the negative haven that is Kimkins.

I don't apologize for the things I have said. They are my feelings and no one is entitled to question ones feelings. They are not an opinion.

I am a little mad at myself for letting my anger show. Maybe its a good thing, to get it out on paper , or cyber paper, as it helps you deal with it, but I can always take that energy and go for a run and enjoy all that god created for us outdoors. Where I truly feel at peace and renewed.

While I will continue to follow the iminent fall of the Kimkins empire, I will TRY to refrain from posing hate and negativity here. For my sake. I don't want to come here and read anger I want to come read positive feelings.

Thanks for listening friends, and have a great positive day. :)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Oh boy here's a good one....

Check out this post on Kimkins Exposed...

"Kimmer Suggests Member is mentally ill"
(Link to this blog is in my blog roll on the side of this page)

Thanks Kimkins exposed thats a classic!
I wish I was able to see a response from the original poster back to Kimmer/Heidi/whoever she is.

Its Official.....

I have been banned from the Kimkins website and my signature deleted from my posts.

Well I expected it, they are EVIL.

I mean All I did was state some facts in my blog! GEEZ, like Kimmer is a fraud and a coward. or should I say Heidi, or should i say SydneyNelson since that's the new suspicion! LOL
Kimmer I hope you get to be someone SUPER cool next week.

Ok Ok now I just sound mean. I don't mean to. I just have a fire under me over this whole thing and those Admins over there, they flying high with their big power trips editing peoples posts and signatures, deleting posts, banning people, and now deleting entire personal journals.

Next to Kimmer you guys take the cake...seriously!

Way to pass off the blame and looking bad Kimmer. Make Admins able to do all that so people yell at them and not you. Nice work. You really are a piece of work.

Wait that's not all - NOW Admins are browsing other sites, that us Kimkins refugees have gone to take up residence in, and if you speak bad about Kimmer or the diet OUTSIDE the Kimkins website, you will be banned. Now our Internet travels are being monitored? I bet that's why I got banned. Oh well, I actually feel free of it all. Now I am forced to stop staring at this train wreck called Kimkins. It was hard to turn away I will admit.
Now how is that Legal or even Moral in anyway. These Admins aren't enough of Kimmer's pets now they are scouting the WWW on us? Unreal!

Know this Kimkin's admins, your being scouted as well, and your being exposed on the WWW. Watch out, what goes around Comes around. I did mention Karma before right?

Yeah check this out peeps!
I posted a polite goodbye on my Halloween Challenge to my friends. I stated that I must leave because of the controversy surrounding Kimkins and that my blog would be updated with a more in depth explanation. Well they didn't like that because the admin over there, That I THOUGHT was my friend, up and deleted my good bye post and all of my CLEAN posts back to 9/13. Hmm...not so nice Mr Admin, Not so nice of you. I found out because friends were PM'ing me "why are they acting like you left??" Oh I dunno I posted a hear felt goodbye and our Admin/Challenge creator deleted it.
So sorry I posted a link to my free speech blog so my friends would understand and so I didn't put anything negative on the site!!!!

Hello!! Isn't that some violation of my rights? Well If not its a violation of human decency I know that.
Oh wait then he went on to post a nasty "NO NEGATIVITY WILL BE TOLERATED" post in response to people asking why my post was deleted. I didn't post anything negative! I said goodbye to my friends. I cried while I did it and you had the nerve to up and delete it and me.
How insanely mean and insensitive.

Well to all my old friends over there - I really hope you escape soon. A burning train wreck is a dangerous place to be and I miss you all. My Mailbox over their is filling up and I bet they think I am ignoring them but the truth is I was banned. This is the message to me when I tried to log in:

You don't have access
You don't have access to forums, chat or private messagesGo to
Reason : Member complaints

Member complaints! C'mon. I said good bye and left thats it!

Well like I said in the beginning of this post....

Ok I am done ranting for today. I am moody and cannot believe I was banned.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Full Speed ahead!

Well here I am day 2 of Atkins and happy as a clam! I am down a total of 1.5 lbs. WOO HOO, YIPPEE!!

I really do love this WOE and feel healthier on it in these 2 days than I ever did on Kimkins.

You know when you begin a new WOE or Diet as some like to call it, and your in full boar, full speed ahead. Motivated, dedicated, thrilled at the thought of your sucess and all of the many ways it will change your life. You see yourself at goal, wearing clothes you now could never. You imagine being in social situations without the anxiety of being fatter than the other girls, or what they possibly could be saying to themselves about your fat stomach or how much weight you've gained. These are all of the emotions I feel today. What a feeling. Its freeing and exciting.

Unfortunately somehow there comes a time when I start seeing inches lost and lbs leaving, that I start loosing steam. I hate this part of dieting. I lose 10 or 20 lbs and start getting sloppy with my eating, gain some weight back go off the diet and have to start all over again.
Well if you read Dr. Gullo's "The Thin Commandments" you know he addresses this and helps teach you how to stay focused through this time.

I am relying heavily on his teachings for this go at it.

Thus far he has contributed a couple things to my success plan that have worked wonders.

1) GG CRISP BREAD!!! Oh my god I am In love. They are yummy and ZERO net carbs! They are like bread and a cracker and totally satisfy my undying desire for breads. These are going to be my lifesaver. My new favorite, top 2 with egg salad and enjoy!
Then I tried 2 toped with some mayo and turkey breast and it was like having a toasted sandwich! I make an incredibly yummy shrimp dip that you eat with crackers and when I low carb I never ate it but had to watch everyone else eat it. Now I can enjoy it with my crisp breads guilt free!
2) Instead of walking by a tray of bagels or cookies in your lunchroom at work (this is a regular at my office), and saying, "I can't have those" I now say "those don't work for me"
This seems so simple and silly, but let me just say that I am able to walk away from that food not feeling a bit deprived.

Dr. Gullo - I love you! :)

So with his techniques for weight loss on the psychological end of it and Dr. Atkins food plan on the other, I would say I have a recipe for success wouldn't you? *wink*

Friday, September 14, 2007

I will probably regret this...

But with the abruptness of the situation, I have to do it now.

Be warned, I am extremely overly emotional. I will cry through typing this whole thing no matter how long it takes, but I have no choice. I may come off as over dramatic but understand its just my emotions at their peak, but I can not wait.

I am officially leaving Kimkins. Not the Diet (that is done already), but the website.

To my Kimkins friends...

My dear friends,

I love you so very much.

I am so sorry that I must leave you. I feel like I am ditching you, but my heart reminds me that I must go for no other reasons than morals and self sanity and look out for me and thats what I am doing. I feel anxiety when I log on to the site, and I feel guilty. I am supporting fraud and the rip off of innocent hard working people by staying an continuing to post there and the promotion of a severe and possibly dangerous diet to young men and women.

I have upset some of you and in doing so, and have learned that things are not always what they seem when it comes to friends.
This alone makes me HATE kimkins even more and Kimmer or Heidi Diaz or whoever she is today. We make friends and then those relationships are torn apart by this situation. By her betrayal. Its like what money does to people and in this case weight loss is the money. YES the diet works. I will not question that. Its not for me is all and I don't believe its safe. From the hair loss alone I know that. Please don't retaliate with possible causes as I know of them all and they do not pertain to me.

I have to leave. I have no choice. It truly breaks my heart and I have cried much over this and especially some reactions I have received, and thats just the evil that Kimmer spreads I guess. I wanted to be honest not just disappear. I felt that my friends needed an explanation.

I fully support the Banished. They are lovely people that did not deserve the treatement they received from Kimmer. Yes they have spoken out about it, but answer this, Where is Kimmer???
Why has she not addressed her thousands of members that paid her for the answer to our problem and with the faith that she has been there? She who has NOT been there. What does she have to say for herself? She has not adressed any of this in any way except that you will be banned for making trouble. But wait, those that have been banned, only asked questions they did not make trouble and that is proven in documentation.
Hmmm.. Interesting. You would think a professional would have some dignity and be an adult.

I am not a trouble maker. I never have been. You won't agree, well some of you won't, and thats ok.
Its as simple as this. I feel the need to say how I feel about the situation and say good bye to people I care about. Thats all I am doing. Venting and saying goodbye.

My friends,
I will miss you, but I am moving on to a place where I feel free to roam without the worry of running into hate and malice. I know that our challenge was not riddled with it but I felt as though I was confined there to be "safe."
please take very good care of yourselves, and know that I will think of you often. I will not be able to post on Kimkins after this and my goodbye on the forum, and so I hope that with good intentions only if you wish to seek me out that you do.

To Kimmer/Heidi:

Swallow your pride and tell people you lied and reveal yourself. You are a coward like none other. Step forward why don't you and be a decent person and stop saying you suffer from Agoraphobia when we all saw you on the surveilance tape out in public. You are a fraud. You steal from us hard working people and play off our vulnerability of wanting to lose weight. You are the lowest of low. You are a coward. You are cruel and do not deserve the riches you have obtained from us. Know this...Karma is very real and you will face yours.

Revised standing....

I have been following the TC diet the last couple days. I lost a lb. YAHOO!

But I am still just not satisfied and I need to be in order to stick with something.

Kimkins is out because well,. My hair is falling out. Not only that I was starving all the time leading to binges because I just could not stick with the severity of it. Its just not for me even though I promoted it to so many, I am regretting it now and apologize to you all, you know who you are. I know it is working for so many, thousands of people and thats great. Its just not for me.

Thin commandments isn't really out but with the allowance of grains and it being soo loosley structured, I don't feel its working for me. I need to get into Ketosis without starving myself.

So I am back to my tried and true that was hugely successful for me and in every way. I lost weight, I felt fantastic, I didn't lose hair, I loved the food. The only reason I left it was because I approached it all wrong. I entered it as a quick fix for weight loss and not a total lifestyle change for the long haul. But I know that if I began it as a new lifestyle that I would be at goal right now, and not still fighting this battle.

My Kimkins Friends and advocates I am sorry....I am going back to Atkins.
I purchased Jimmy Moore's book offline yesterday and in reading it remembered why I went there first to begin with and why I should not be afraid of the fats. I have always been a true Atkins believer and thats where I belong.

I am not leaving my Kimkins friends, though I am not sure if I will be welcome now *wink* :)
Becuase My place there is for support, guidance, weight loss, love. Thats what we are. A "weightloss family" since thats our common goal. So I hope that you all that read this will still welcome me to be a part of your community, as I love you very much!

Ok so that is where I stand on my diet, and I am not changing it again. I realize Its time to pick something and commit to it and I have done that.

So here I go...............................

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The rundown...

So far I have tried the following plans to lose weight:

1) LOW calorie variety. Around 600-800 calories a day. fruits, grains, progresso soups, lean meats and veggies. I lost 22 lbs in 2 months. I also walked every day outside for 40 minutes.

Regain - I gained back all the weight when I stopped watching portions and eating junk again.

2) Atkins. Loved this diet. I felt great, lost another 20 lbs in one month, and 2 sizes. I worked out 5 days a week at golds gym. Then came Thanksgiving. Dun Dun Dun.....I decided "well, I have lost 20 lbs already. I am going to enjoy myslef and not worry about it. If I gain, I can just go back on induction to get back on track and keep losing". Boy was I wrong. I never got back on Induction and every time I tried I failed. WHY? I had no idea. Why was it so hard this time when the first time I dove in full force. I have been struggling with this for so long. I can go on a diet, do great, lose weight, feel like I have the world by the you know what, and then BAM! Self Sabaotoge. I will get more into that later.

Regain - I regained 35 lbs. Not the 20 I lost, 35!!!

3) Southbeach Diet: I tried this for about 2 weeks, I lost about 6 lbs (of water) then decided the loss was too slow, and went back to atkins. Of course I still couldn't make it through induction and was fighting with the high fat aspect of it, and stopped all together for awhile.

4) Kimins. yep I said it. The widely controversial, getting more controversial where Kimmer is concerned. When I began in June I lost 13 lbs and that was with 2-3 cheats. I love the rapid loss this diet offers. I still follow it today to some degree. Well who am I kidding. I am still a member, but now in the last couple days follow......

5) The Thin Commandments Diet. (Does anyone else see a pattern here?) Why do I keep switching plans when they all work, but I wreck them. Am I the only one who does this??
Anyway, The Thin commandments is like a combination of Atkins, Southbeach and Kimkins. It is Low Carb (Atkins), it is Grains and dairy friendly (Southbeach), and its Strict and Lean (Kimkins), And I think its actually doable for a long time! Not only that it is written by a Dr. who teaches you to deal with the psychological aspect of losing weight, not just east this and don't eat that and you can have this much at this time of day. I think (at least right now) it may be my godsend, of a diet that I can actually stick with and not feel deprived.

WOW! Can you say afraid of commitment??? HA HA! I keep thinking that not only do I fail on diets the way I do because of what the book The Thin Commandments teaches me, but also because they are so restrictive and the side effects can be devastating, or at least scary to think of what might happen to you as a result. Since I started Kimkins I have been losing hair. Yep and suppsedly its temporary, but I am tired of seeing large grabs full come out in the shower. This can't be a good sign. I am not bashing the diet really. It works! I have seen it work wonders and never heard a complaint from MANY losers at Kimkins, but its just not working well with my body personally.

So Your here, at the very beginning of another weight loss plan attempt. Wish me luck!

Welcome to my blog....

Well this is scary.

I have never blogged before. Always wanted to and today I decided to start one. I don't know if I will have anything to say that would remotely interest anyone or serve a purpose to anyone, I would hope it does, but really this is just for me. A way to get my thoughts and feelings written down so that I can process them better when I am overwhelmed, or as a tool to step outside my thoughts and see things for what they are.

So Here I go.

I named my Blog the final escape because I am working on an escape so to speak. An escape from this shell that is not me. I am talking about losing weight. I have been struggling for years with my weight, which has been especially difficult for me because the first part of my life I was THIN! I had no problems. I could eat what I wanted, wear what I wanted, and I was happy. I was me.
I am now covered in this shell that I am fighting to escape from and I am making it the final attempt. I won't fail this time no matter how long it takes. I have too much at stake.
My health, the health of my future children, my self esteem, my quality of life, you name it, its a reason.
I have been on this path of self improvement (seriously) since January of this year. I quit smoking after 15 years and now exercise, eating right, taking care of and nurturing my body have become top priority. I want to be healthy, not just thin again.

So I have 40 lbs left to lose. I have already lost 19 lbs since I quit smoking when I hit my all time high of 193 lbs. EEEEK! I am only 5'6". What was I thinking letting myself get that big, out of shape and miserable??? I wasn't thinking. Now I am.

So your welcome to come along for the ride and watch me escape this shell that is not me.